How to stop judging yourself harshly

Dr. Roopleen   |  

14-February-2020

Vol 11 | Issue 7

Most of us get vexed by the constant scrutiny of our life by others; we detest others judging us or passing an opinion on us. And that’s completely understandable because it makes us angry, anxious and insecure.

But what about self-judgement? Those nasty things we say to ourselves about ourselves?

While we are touchy about others judging us, we don’t mind being harsh on ourselves, which is not a healthy attitude (Photo for representation purpose only)

Ah, that we overlook!

Don’t we all subject ourselves to an opinion—usually negative—about ourselves or for some action of ours?

Don’t we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards and are unforgiving for not reaching those achievement standards and measuring up?

Don’t we indulge in self-criticism, self-blame, replay the embarrassing moments and re-run our mistakes over and over?

Don’t we dwell on our fallings, shortcomings and flaws and degrade ourselves at the drop of the hat?

Admit it—we can be utterly brutal to ourselves. Sometimes, even outright obnoxious.

Sad but true, most people are oblivious of the way they view and judge themselves; they often see themselves in poor light, give more weight to their negatives than positives and beat themselves down for trivial things.

Self-judgment can have a number of negative consequences—it can weigh you down, dent on your confidence, affect your sense of self-worth and hold you back from pursuing your goals and achieving the success that you desire. Little do we people realize that majority of the feelings of being inadequate, anger and depression have their roots in self-judgment.

In fact, flawed self-evaluation can have a hugely negative impact on your psyche and can be emotionally damaging. When you make a negative judgment or hold a negative opinion about yourself, you’re indirectly giving yourself cues that you’re not upto the mark, are incapable or unworthy of what you aspire to accomplish. Being overly critical about yourself thus restricts you, limits your growth and prevents you from creating the life that you want to live.

If you want to want to make the most of yourself, experience success and become unstoppable, let go self-judgement. Here are some of the ways you can go about doing that-

Pay attention to the inner narrative- Most of the times, it’s not the outside world but what goes on inside your mind that harms you the most. So don’t entertain negative thoughts, the ruminative thoughts have a knack of distorting your reality. Challenge your negative thoughts; hit the pause button as soon as you catch yourself indulging in negative self-talk. Focus on yourself, understand and identify the space from where the critical thoughts are emanating. Reframe and replace the negative thoughts with empowering thoughts. Using the right words while having a self-talk can go a long way in altering your thought pattern because words become thoughts and thoughts govern your life.

Cultivate a less judgemental attitude- A large part of your attitude is about how you view things and process them in your mind. Recognize and be aware of the difference between having an opinion about yourself and going overboard with being severely judgemental. If you generalize—and based on one failure or mistake—form an opinion about yourself, you’ll always feel poorly about yourself. Highlighting your weaknesses won’t help in any way if you’re not taking it positively and doing something about it. It can only be detrimental to your well-being and harm you in more ways than you can possibly imagine. Instead of being harsh with yourself, observe yourself without being caught up in negativity and understand why you are the way you are. Then take measures to change what you don’t like about yourself

Don’t compare yourself to others- You are you, they are they; there’s no reason why you should underestimate and berate yourself by mindless comparisons. Put things in perspective and know that there’s no perfect way of doing things. You have your way of dealing with life’s problems, pursuing goals and making things work for you. You have your own strengths, positives and special abilities that make you unique. Give yourself the permission to be yourself, step out of the comfort zone and explore the infinite possibilities that life offers. You may not be able to ace everything but you’ll be able to accomplish a lot many things if you shift the focus from ‘them’ to ‘you.’

Practice self compassion- Instead of putting yourself on a high pedestal and constantly judging yourself, be reasonable and treat yourself with kindness. Accept yourself unconditionally and regard yourself as a work in progress—far from being perfect. Once you do that, you’ll be able to let go of self-criticism and be easy on yourself. We all make mistakes—it’s a part of being human. There’s nothing abnormal with being imperfect and flawed. It’s okay to trip sometimes, take wrong decisions, have errors of judgment and make poor choices.

Live in gratitude- Your life may not be perfect but you have so many things that are working well. Instead of dwelling on the negatives and what you lack, focus on what you have and what’s going right for you; find things to be grateful about. Gratitude enables you to become more insightful, helps you appreciate the positives, count your blessings and betters the quality of the life that you live.

Self-judgement can come in the way of reaching your goals and becoming successful. Being overly critical about yourself restricts you, limits your growth and thus prevents you from living a full life and experiencing true happiness. On the other hand, a life free of judgment is far more superior and filled with fulfilment. Instead of self-scathing, self-loathing and pulling yourself down, learn to appreciate and support yourself, focus on your positives and help bring out the best in you.

Judging is preventing ourselves from understanding a new truth.

Free yourself from the rules of old judgements and create space for new understanding.

–Steve Marboli

About the Author

Dr. Roopleen is a motivational writer, life coach, blogger, super-specialist eye surgeon and author of six books.
Website: www.drroopleen.com | Email: [email protected]